Man wounds don’t heal quick june-19-2008

It has been a month since my best friend Andy A.K.A Honestseeker and Myself feel out. Man So much has happened in that month where do I start. Well Let me just confess to everyone that I am alot weaker of a Christian at this point. I mean I look at girls butts. I listen to rap music. Pretty no matter how bad it is. I am not reading my bible. Nor am I praying. Actually today to be honest while my church was having group praying. I did not bow my head. I actually taught what is the point of this I mean honestly I don’t see the purpose of group prayers. I mean how does my bowing my head and listening to someone talk help me? I really don’t see how that is soppused to help at all. I mean what is bowing my head anyways.

Why do we think bowing our heads holding are hands together and closing our eyes some how is the secret position to get in contact with God. I really have not seen that any where in the bible. And another thing my bowing my head and listening to someone either talk to me , god , or a combination of the two doesn’t seem like much good anyways.

But anyways back to my spiritual condition. I mean it is weak. I mean my lust problem is really creaping back up on me. And yes I know I spelled creaping wrong but I really don’t care at this point. And know I am not going to use spell check damn it. Wow did I just cuss lol. I found something out there is no such thing as a curse word. No word is curse. It is all about context damn it. I don’t know why I keep saying that but it is just funny. I know I am going to read over this and think wow was I really that bad lol. That is not going to be pretty.

But back to the tittle. I really miss Andy he is my well was my best friend. and I hope I can talk to him again. But yeah back to the issue. I have fallin spiritually really hard basically because I don’t like studying theology If I have no one to teach. I know that sounds bad but if there is no one to teach I really just don’t want to study. Ever since my internet went down there has been anyone to teach. And that is why I have really not been studying . And that effected my prayer and without that you get weak. It like not eating food you get weak. So any ways that is the status of my sorry ass. Yes I know maybe I shouldn’t have typed that but that is what I was thinking and I mean what the hell. I like to share my thoughts on here .Not what I want my thoughts to be lol. God bless you all and stay in the faith by abiding in his love. Cool I have not forgot that yet lol.

hamlet

“ To be or not to be “ this is one of the most famous lines of American history. It comes from the brilliant English playwright known as William Shakespear born in april 1564 and died in april 1616. He is regarded by many as the bard of avon,, englands national poet, the worlds preeminent dramatist, and the greatest playwright of all time. His works include a hundred and fifty four sonets, two long narratives, and thirty eight plays. Of his thirty eight plays hamlets is arguably his best poem. With brilliant character development and themes such as incest, moral corruption, revenge, and treachery. In Hamlet William Shakespear also demonstates the negative effects of stress on an individual though hamlets’s thoughts, actions, and dysfunctional relationships.
Stress has been around since the dawn of human history. So what is stress exactly ? Stress as defined by emedicalMD.com as a emotional or physical strain caused by our response to the outside world. Now how does this stress effect an individual? Stress effect different people in different ways. Some respond with tension other with irritability, inability to concentrate, feeling excessively tired, trouble sleeping. There are even physical effects to stress such as headaches and a fast heart rate, dry mouth difficulty breathing, stomach problems frequent urnination, sweating palms, and tight muscles that can cause pain and trembling . It such an epademic in society that according to the american academy of family physican, two thirds of office visits to family are stress related symptoms. As you may have noticed these are all minor negative effects of stress. However stress in not limited to minor negative effects. There are also many positive effects of stress such as what is commonly called the fight or flight response. It is the body’s response to extremely stressful and dangerous situations. This response is critical to emergency situations it can also can put people on there toes which can be critical in some situations. Stess can also can rinse the body defenses to fight off infections. Therefore stress can be positive to and individual or just have minor physical and mental effects on an individual. However stress can also be devastating and life alting. Such extreme stress is now refured to as a disease. Known as post traumatic stress disorder.

Post Traumatic Stress disorder or PTSD . Post Traumatic stress disorder was not considered a disease until 1980. However it was called different names thoughout american history. In the civil war it was known as suffering from a soliders heart. In world war 1 it was called combat fatigue. In world war 2 it was refered to as gross stress reacation. In Vietnam war it was know as having post Vietnam syndrome. However post traumatic disorder has been around since stress has been around. Since the dawn of human creation. Even though the complete understanding of this disorder was until 1980. People though out history have understood that stress can have devasting effects on an individuals.
In shakesphears master piece hamlet. Shakesphear demonstrates the awful effects of stress though hamlets thoughts. Hamlet thoughout the play is extremely disturbed and massively depressed. Example of this can be found in Act 1 Scene 2 Paste Here Here we see that hamlet is having extreme self despise. He hates himself. He wishes he would just die. He has completely lost the will to even live. This kind of depression is extremely common with those suffering from Post Traumatic Stress disorder. Now if we look at hamlets cause for his self despise. Is the death of his beloved father. This caused extreme stress on poor hamlets heart. Now as king Claudius pointed out in Act 1 scene 2 Paste here everybody has to go though the death of a father. However hamlet as King Claudis also points out Paste Here Hamlets reaction is different then others. In response to such a loss. Most people don’t end up lotting themselves. And having such awful thoughts about themselves as hamlet does. This is because unlike most people hamlet suffers from Post Traumatic stress disorder. Which is causing him not to be able to recover from his morning as we see in Act scene 2 by hamlets own words. Paste here This all due to the stress that hamlets fathers death has caused him.
However it is not just hamlets thoughts that demonstrate the negative effects of stress on an individual but it is also his actions. It was once said by a famous proverbist. That thoughts turn into actions. This is exactly the case with hamlet. Hamlets self loth and hatred for himself caused by the stress of his fathers death directly effects the way he acts thought out the play. For example in Act 1 scene 2 Paste Here when Horatio tell Hamlet that he has seen his dead father he get over joyed and is desperate to here about this encounter. Even though we know that hamlet is a well educated man as seen in Act 1 Scene 2 Paste here he still was over eager too here this seemingly impossibility due to his irrationalbility caused by his stress. We also see his actions reflect the negative effects of stress in his outburst at ophelia grave with in Act Find and Add Here Here we see hamlet lose control of his anger and attack another individual. Which eventual ends up being the factor that cause his own death. But the fact is that hamlet due to his extreme emotional instability cause of the stress on him from the Traumatic event of his father death is causing him to take his anger and rage out on others as seen here with the attack on another individual. However this is not the worst action hamlet does because of his stress illness. He even senselessly kills polinous because he was so stress out and paranoid that he believed that king cladius was spying on his conversation with Gertrude his mother. So instead of confirming this assumption. He just thrust his sword where he knows the spy is and kills polinus . Now Hamlet is a very calculating individual and doesn’t usually due things that he is not sure of. For example he refused to believe the Ghosts claim about Claduis killing him until he had seen proven this by judging his reaction by making a reactment of the events in a play. Only then did he decided that he would kill Claduis. Now if Hamlet is such a calucating individual. Why would he just thrust his sword into an individual that he only assumes is Claduis without confirming it? The answer lies in Hamlets mentle condition. The anormous amount of stress hamlet is under by the death of his father has clouded his thinking. He is emotionally unstable. At times. And this is a clear example of this condition when he blindly kills Polinus.
In conclusion Shakesphear clearly demonstrates the Negative effect of stress on an individual though hamlet. By his depressing self hatred thoughts, His unpredictable, aggressive and senseless actions, and his unstable relationship with his mother, the King Claudius and Ophelia daughter of polinus.

3/22/o9 no weave first cornrows in years!

I decided that I was going to take out my nubian twist because  my job. Once Muvico but not cinemark because it got bought out. Changed it male hair code policy. For you see now Males are not aloud to have there hair below there coller(that has not changed) But the big killer is they will not allow you to wear you hair up any more. No more putting long weave up in a pony tail. They literally told people either you cut what you have took so long to grow. For a 7 dollar an hour job. Freaking crazy. Or We won’t hire your/ we will fire you.  So since I didn’t have another job and always hate looking for another. I decided to simply conform. I took out my nubian twist on the 3/20/09  friday night because I decided that I was going to do a little experiment. I was going to first rinse my nubian twist with water and see what happens. People always tell me that you can’t get braids wet. So I wanted to see what would happen. Will turns out they where wrong. And it actually caused my new growth too curl making it let noticable and making my all around look improve. However since my hair produces oil and oil and water don’t mixed. After I washed it i could feel all the oil buildup on my scalp and it was quite nasty. So I decided I was going to wash my twist. I used just regular panteen shampoo and had to use quite alot of it . To gather a large lather. Once finished  I did a awful job rinsing them out. And the end result was that there was shampoo still all over my hair. So instead of washing it I decided just to take it out and get it over with. Plus I was so excited to see two months new growth in light of my 6 month prior growth(the top of my head) 5 month growth ( sides and back) and Four month ( front edges).

So I did. Now the end result was I had alot of new growth. However I was disappointed because I expected more. I actually expected my hair to be long not longer. But now that I had time to miditate on it. I am quite happy with my new growth. So after I took it out. I tryed three hair styles. The first one was that I flat ironed it straight and combed it up causing a very strange looking afro. Look like I was struck be lighting. That was ok but not quite right. Next I simply put gel in it giving me a very nice curl pattern. But my caused my hair alot of shrinkage causing my hair to look quite short. I couldn’t have that. So I decided to either get cornrows or little individuals. I couldn’t decided. So I asked my father what he thought. He said that he never really niced small braids and I should get individuals. Well he persuaded me and I got cornrows. Two hours later I was out of the shop with cornrows. Which at the time I hated. I strormed out of the shop steaming mad that I had just paid 50 dollars to get this crap done. I went to Macdonalds across the street looked in the mirrior and almost wanted to cry my eye balls out. I was so self conscience about the way I looked. I especially hated the fact that they did not braid my hair all the way down(the hang time) They rubber branded them. Which I taught was disrespect at the time as if they where saying my hair was white peoples hair and couldn’t withstand a braid. Which I know isn’t true because I had it done before with out any rubber bands. But whatever.

However when I entered my fathers car ranting about how much I hated it. He looked quite surpised and expressed to me his liking of it. He really liked it. And told me others would as well. He told me the publics approval rating where going to be quite high. He was absolelty right. There was no at least verbal out cry against me. Only compliments  about me finally going natural and not putting weave in my hair.  I how ever was going to quit my job and sewn in the weave that I bought a week before as soon as it came in the male. But later made a pro and a con list and realized the pros completely out weighed the cons. Actually there was only one pro to putting weave in my hair at this time. And that was to feel good about myself. I realized this was a great fooly for the present time and decided to keep my hair in just the way it is. OK this is my first hair entry. I will however go all the way  back to the first picture I took of my hair which was back in october and tell you what my hair looked like and why I got it that way. Alright God bless you all and thanks for reading.

Long time no post

It has been such a long time since I have written in this blog. It has been so long in fact that I couldn’t even remember the name of the site. I first put in wordpage.com then wordblog.com. Actually the only way I was able to find this site again was using the yahoo search engine and putting in free blog. The site was the third site result from the search engine. Enough about that though it is time to get to the meat of the matter. Why I am writting this blog again.

I would like to make a new commentment. Now I most likely will not follow up with it.However I had a burning desire to put this on paper or text because that is what I do when my thoughts are two much to contain.

Now the first commentment I would like to start doing is once again reading a chapther of the bible each and everyday. My motive however is not what it usually is by doing such a commentment. It is not too come back into mya comminion with God. Now hopefully this shall accur in the process. But this is not my motive actually I am conflicted if I even want that since If I do that I know as I just read to day. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. Will since I love sin so much I also know I can not serve to master. Since I serve sin. Yeah I think you get the point. But to reveal my motive it is so that I can be armed with the word of God. Because I still believe I am his child and I know God is going to some where down the road going to call upon me. And when He does I want to be armed with a very substantual amount of biblical knowledge for whatever he has set before me.

I am done writting this I have lost the burning desire to type the rest of this. Sorry future me when you read this. But ok ok Ithere no way when I go back and read this I will know the other commentment I wanted to add so I will just type it real quick. It was to start praying every day as well. And not only that but type them like I used to. But since I am not even going to do that tonight there really no since of even saying that is even a commentment of mine because I know it not. Whatever I am out going to look at some zune 120 GB Players then talk to my girlfriend. And do a sexual sin before I go to sleep. Good night And God bless. What irony is it that I would write that right after I said I was going to go sin. Irony owww Irony. LMAO Whatever!

I am back

I am finally going to add another blog to my beautiful prized blog. I have not seen you for a very long time and I have missed you greatly . It is to bad that we have been away from each other for such a long time. You where my favorite toy and have helped me so much in my life. I promise you blog. I have became ten times the writer I used to be because of the 51 blogs I wrote in you. I can’t tell you how many times I find my self staring in the sky thinking about how my beautiful blog has helped me so greatly. but baby I just want to tell you something. I have been extremely busy. It is not if I have been sitting around picking my nose or anything. I have actually been working hour after hour. As well as doing night school and day school. And not just going to them day after day. But doing my very best in Acing those classes. I have almost all A’s but I have a couple B in a couple of class that I am going to run down until it gets up to the A that I deserve. All yeah I almost forget I have my girlfriend with takes up even more time out of my life. So blog I wasn’t a total jerk and just said screw you. I have some what of an excuse but I will try for now on to spend more time with you. So love D !

Pain!!!

It hurts so so bad. When those you love hurt you. I mean honestly nothing hurts more then that. You love them so much and they say horrible things to you. The pain is greater then any punch any beating. This pain is greater then all the beating I have ever had. I hurts from the inside. You soul mourns and weeps. This pain is so much greater then simply a verbal attack. For you see if someone that you are not close to and you don’t love them dearly says some mean things it really doesn’t hurt you. You just shrug it off and keep on. But when someone is a brother, a best friends, someone you trust, someone that you confess you sins and faults to. Attacks you and tells you that your a person that needs to be shun. It hurts so bad. I mean I don’t think people realize how much trust it takes to confess you sins to a person. You don’t just go confess you sins to anybody. You trust that, that person will not use them against you, you trust that they won’t judge you, you trust that they won’t hold it against you, you trust that they won’t tell others. I think it is the ultimate form of trust.

It is so painful when the Brother, the beloved brother you trust and love so much. Turns his back on you. And as he does it strikes his fellow brother. Not with a blow to the body, but a blow to the soul. Tears fall but your eyes never get wet. You may think I am just being dramatic but I lie to you not. You know what I mean when someone you love hurts you. But this is the hard thing for all my fellow Christians, No Scrath that all my fellow people  that are in the imago dei. To forgive them and forget what they have done. To not be bitter about it. You see it is so easy to just shield you self with wrath. Get hateful, get bitter, Just hate them. To try to hide the pain that they caused you. But that is not what we are called to do. That is not what God did for us. That is not what God commands us to do to each other. He commands us to forgive and more ever forget. This is hard to do but this is a must. You know I have learned a great lesson in the last 24 hour. I realized what we do to God. Each and every time when sin. It must tear God up. It must hurt him like a loved one hurting you. God loves us a billion times more then I love a beloved brother. And I see how it feels to me. I can’t imagine the pain and the sorrow we bring to God when we sin against him. And even more when we accuse him of things. Such as if the calvinistic doctrine is true. When we accuse him of being a monster or wicked. Or if the eternal hell doctrine is true. We again accuse him of being a monster. That most tear God up to hear his children his own beloved children attack him like this. If there one thing I have learned is that I will never accuse God of being anything bad. I will never ever do it. I also want to thank God for testing me like this. Seeing if I will forgive and forget. I ask God to help me. With Gods help I know I can do it.

Honestly I don’t feel that bitter right now. I feel hurt but not bitter. I know this is becasue of God not me. Thank you God. God bless you all and stay in the faith by abiding in his love.

Hello blog…

Hello blog I have not spent much time with you in a little bet. It to bad that me and you had a falling out. I miss you blog and I want you to know I am back. I was being slothful my precise blog. I honestly just did not feel like writing in you. I mean there are other factors but that is the main one. I simply just didn’t feel like updating you. I am very sorry blog. I just want you to know I will be her for you for now on. Or at least for the time being. I honestly can’t say what I will do in the future because every time I do something happens that cause me not to follow though with such plans. I don’t want to lie to you any more blog. I love you blog and I hope I won’t leave you again but I won’t promise you my beloved. Blog please understand I can’t even promise if I will be here tommorrow. I can’t even promise if my best friends will even be my best friend any more. I can’t even promise I will finish this blog. The only thing I can promise though is that I do and will love Jesus Christ forever. Nothing else and nothing more can I promise to you will never change or that will be in the future. God bless you blog and Lord willing I will see you again soon.

Am I wavering in the faith ?

I was thinking about my post about is religious reason a good reason to believe anything. And if anyone reads that post who is religious or who knows me and knows how religious I am they might think that I am wavering in the faith. That I am doubting and even attacking my own faith. I can differently see how people could think this. And I differently could see how if I looked at that blog five months from now I could come up with the same conclusion. So I just want to clarify.

I did not means from that blog that we should not get our truths from the bible or even or pastor. I do not want any of you all to go to you back yards and burn you bible and hang you pastors. Unless you pastor is a muslim and you bible is the book of mormon. Wow that might come back and hurt me. LOL I am kidding please don’t take offense I am just joking. People please don’t do any of those things. I am not a supporter of burn the book of mormom or killing muslim. I was simply joking.

Anyways I was in no way saying that. I was saying that our belief in the bible or our pastor should not come from blind naive reasoning. We should not say that I have the right translation because people told me it was the right one and everyone I know believes it is. Or we should not believe a book is the word of God just because it claims to be. Because I mean honestly what are you going to say to the muslim who has grown up reading the quran and grown up in mosses. Are you going to say you are wrong I am right. And the only reason you are believing this is because you have a book and are in a church that says so? And the only reason you believe your book is the word of God or you have the right church is because they say so as well. That is a horrible reason to believe anything. Some might claim that is a great level of faith. I do not think so. I actually believe that shows the lack of faith. I have faith that Christianity is true. So I am willing to objectively examine the evidence.

I have to admit at first I was a little scared. I taught what would happen if the evidence was zero and I all the evidence pointed to the fact that this was simply a fair tail. Would I drop my belief and go run home crying? The answer is maybe. I can honestly say maybe. I would be in a horrible situation. My person experience would tell me that no Christainity is true it has changed my life. But if all the evidence pointed another way and not only pointed another way by was a straight out contradiction to my faith as well as the faith of Christianity was illogical I would be in a horrible situation. Because I hold to the fact that if something is true it won’t contradict logic. I may be beyond logic but it won’t be a contradiction. Plus psychological reason as I have already showed is not a good reason to believe anything. So the question I have to ask myself is am I willing to put my self in that situation ? Am I will to objectively examine the evidence that either supports of ripes apart my beliefs. The answer Is yes.

The reason the answer is yes is because since I believe Christianity is true with all my heart. I believe the evidence will not contradict my faith. I believe I will find that the Christain faith is based not on myths by facts. And reason not on contradictions. I believe that with all my heart. With that confidence I am ready to examine the faith. I am ready to see the evidence that backs up the hope I have in my heart. Now I know what some of you might be thinking. That I am weak in the faith and seeking facts to prove my believes are true. If you only know my heart you would know that the truth is so opposite to that. I would be alot easier for me to say I believe Christianity to be true because it changed my life and I have a relationship with God. All these thing being true by the way. But with this saying I will not examine the evidence. That might sound faith based by it is really not. Because if you really believe something is true you would expect the evidence to point to it.

Nobody is scared to look into the evidence of if or not gravity exist. Or people are willing to look into other religions to see why there religions our wrong. But we are not willing to look at our own beliefs to see if in fact the evidence point to it or not. That is sad. And again is not an act of faith but an act of unbelief. I expect all the evidence to point to Christianity variability. The expect these the same way I expect all the evidence for gravity to be there. I truly believe in gravity with all my heart and I am not scared to look at the evidence. I truly believe in God with all my heart and I am not scared to look at the evidence. Now I will say this though If I do find out that Christainity is a religion that is completely faith based. and not only has not facts to prove it but has numerous facts to disprove it will I leave the faith. The answer I gave before was maybe. The truth is no. I would not leave Christianity I would run to it even more. After all the bible itself does teach that we are fools for Christ sake. I would be willing to be a fool for Christ. But I don’t think I have to. I honestly don’t believe I will have to throw out my brain to be a Christain.And even if I have to at least I need to be honest with my self. Instead of telling myself that my religion is creditable. I always here people talk about the creditability of the the Christian faith. Well it is either creditable or not. And if it is not I at least own myself the truth.

I can come to grips with the fact that Christianity is a belief that is completely faith based. That is fine. but I can not be afraid of finding that out. Again i don’t expect to find that I expect to find that Christianity is a belief that is extremely creditable. But I won’t be scared to look. God bless you all and stay in the faith by abiding in his love.

Science class could be important

I have been reading the book I don’t have enough faith to be an atheist and I have to say it is an amazing book. But man is it deep. It really profoundly defend the faith. It goes against everything from the philosophy of hunt to kant. It takes them apart rather quickly. The only problem is I don’t know the philosophy of hunt or kant. So I have to go study them and then see how there statement are in fact self defeating. Because as Dr Geisler the arthur of the book himself said in unexamined belief is not worth believing. Just because he says this is what they believe doesn’t mean that is actually true. This could differently be a case of a straw man. I don’t think so but I will differently have to check.

This however is not my main focus. My Main focus is to look into the first and second law of thermodynamics. Which he uses to prove that the universe is not eternal. This however is extremely important for apologetics as well as my own desire to love God with all my mind. You see there are only two possible the universe is eternal or an eternal being Created the universe. That is the only possilbility but something in fact has to be eternal. Dr Geisler states that the second law of thermodyanmics prove that the universe could not infact be eternal. Being able to understand the second and first law of thermodyamincs have priceless value. Because If I can prove using the first and second law of thermodyamincs that the universe is not in fact eternal. Then this proves the existence of God. Because Like I stated before. The universe is eternal or there is an eternal being the Created the universe. If I can rule out the possibly of there being an universe that is eternal then that in and of it self proves the existence of God. With is called the cosmological argument. Of the existence of the theist God. This is step one to proving that Yahweh is in fact the true God. Because if we are tying to logicallly prove the existence of Yahweh we must first prove the existence of a theist God. And that is what I fact plan on doing

 Now before you all say you can’t prove that there is a theist God. Please understand what I mean by the word proof. I do not mean by the word proof. That I can prove without any doubht that there is in fact a theist God. But  what I mean by prove is I can prove without a reasonable doubt that there is in fact a Theist God.

God bless you all and stay in the faith by abiding in his love.

Good book…

Today I finished Catherine Gilbert Murdock’s “The Off Season” Which I have to say was an excellent book about a teenage dairy farming tomboy athlete  Going though her Junior  year of High school. There not really a main conflict or solution. But it is still a great book. It is basically a nonfiction fiction book. I can not put my finger on why I liked this book so much. I just did. I am in love with this book. I ended with D.J and her boyfriend Brian broken up. Her family money problem still not fixed. Win’s health still undecided and bill’s football career still undecided. I am really curious what is going to happen in the sequel. I know there is a sequel for the simple fact that it really did not end. It was such an open ending it just has to continue. I am going to look online to see if she has any more books. That I can check out in the library hopefully. God bless you all and stay in the faith.