It hurts so so bad. When those you love hurt you. I mean honestly nothing hurts more then that. You love them so much and they say horrible things to you. The pain is greater then any punch any beating. This pain is greater then all the beating I have ever had. I hurts from the inside. You soul mourns and weeps. This pain is so much greater then simply a verbal attack. For you see if someone that you are not close to and you don’t love them dearly says some mean things it really doesn’t hurt you. You just shrug it off and keep on. But when someone is a brother, a best friends, someone you trust, someone that you confess you sins and faults to. Attacks you and tells you that your a person that needs to be shun. It hurts so bad. I mean I don’t think people realize how much trust it takes to confess you sins to a person. You don’t just go confess you sins to anybody. You trust that, that person will not use them against you, you trust that they won’t judge you, you trust that they won’t hold it against you, you trust that they won’t tell others. I think it is the ultimate form of trust.
It is so painful when the Brother, the beloved brother you trust and love so much. Turns his back on you. And as he does it strikes his fellow brother. Not with a blow to the body, but a blow to the soul. Tears fall but your eyes never get wet. You may think I am just being dramatic but I lie to you not. You know what I mean when someone you love hurts you. But this is the hard thing for all my fellow Christians, No Scrath that all my fellow people that are in the imago dei. To forgive them and forget what they have done. To not be bitter about it. You see it is so easy to just shield you self with wrath. Get hateful, get bitter, Just hate them. To try to hide the pain that they caused you. But that is not what we are called to do. That is not what God did for us. That is not what God commands us to do to each other. He commands us to forgive and more ever forget. This is hard to do but this is a must. You know I have learned a great lesson in the last 24 hour. I realized what we do to God. Each and every time when sin. It must tear God up. It must hurt him like a loved one hurting you. God loves us a billion times more then I love a beloved brother. And I see how it feels to me. I can’t imagine the pain and the sorrow we bring to God when we sin against him. And even more when we accuse him of things. Such as if the calvinistic doctrine is true. When we accuse him of being a monster or wicked. Or if the eternal hell doctrine is true. We again accuse him of being a monster. That most tear God up to hear his children his own beloved children attack him like this. If there one thing I have learned is that I will never accuse God of being anything bad. I will never ever do it. I also want to thank God for testing me like this. Seeing if I will forgive and forget. I ask God to help me. With Gods help I know I can do it.
Honestly I don’t feel that bitter right now. I feel hurt but not bitter. I know this is becasue of God not me. Thank you God. God bless you all and stay in the faith by abiding in his love.
