Modesty

It isn’t easy, as a woman, to remain pure. We are surrounded by a culture that glorifies our immorality. Have you ever heard a man compliment a woman on her modest apparel? Or is it that you always hear a man complimenting a woman who is not so “covered up?” It doesn’t take a genius to realize that the girls who dress flashy are noticed, and the girls who dress modestly are ignored. It’s so extreme that our definitions of beauty revolve around our immodest dress codes. The girl wearing a tank-top and miniskirt is seen as beautiful, while the girl in an ankle skirt and sweater vest is just plain ugly. We are Christians living in the unbeliever’s world. To make things more complicated, our “main” goal as a woman is to get married and have a family (feminist movement will tell you otherwise- a whole different issue on its own).

How do we balance the finding of a mate with unappealing modesty? We all know the answer, we just don’t like to discuss it. As a woman, especially as a Christian woman, it is crucial to dress in a manner that will not cause a brother to stumble. There is something inherently disturbing about seeing a daughter dress promiscuously in front of her father. If it is an odd sight in this situation, shouldn’t it be considered even worse in public? If you are anything like me, you did not grow up with this modesty principal at all. My parents never governed my clothing choices, nor did they discuss that my body was a private matter. In the eyes of society I have been considered “normal” looking. My skin was covered; isn’t that the definition of being modest? It was too late for my parents to say anything as I grew older. Issues like this need to be instilled from the beginning. It was only by the grace of God that I was convicted on the subject of modesty.

How would I dress if I was going to stand before my Creator? All of a sudden my entire view on my wardrobe had been shifted. It isn’t just enough to have your skin covered. Are your clothes form fitting? This eliminates all of my jeans! Those form fitting “t-shirts” I bought from the mall are now out of the question. What about my big hoop earrings and my push-up bras? These things that were once so normal to me became an abomination.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that you have to be so plain that you can’t even stand to look at yourself in the mirror. It feels nice to look and feel feminine. For those of us with husbands, it’s advised that we should try to be attractive for them (but ONLY for them). If you are “on the market,” I wouldn’t say not to wear those stud earrings or that pretty necklace you like. Of course, anything that could potentially catch the attention of the lustful eye should not be worn. Why wear a push-up bra if you aren’t going to be revealing that area? Does the shirt you wear show the curve of your body? How about your pants? How far above your knees are your shorts? These are just some examples of questions to ask yourself when you are getting dressed for the day.

In my opinion, one of the biggest motivators as a single person to dress modestly is that the way you dress will attract certain men. If you dress like Mariah Carey, all the men that walk up to you are going to be lust-driven individuals. If they lust after you, they will lust after others while with you. Dressing in this way also is a signal to any “quality” guy to stay away. If you dress modestly, you practically filter out the secular men. The most important thing to understand -again, just my opinion- is that God is sovereign, and His will be done on earth. If He has called you to marry, you will be married regardless of how “ugly” you look. As far as guidelines go, take a quick look at our celebrities and dress the exact opposite of them.

–The wife
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God’s Word instructs far better than I can:

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3:3, 4 NKJV)

“in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.” (1 Timothy 2:9, 10 NKJV)

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30 NKJV)

Financial Infidelity

Money decisions dictate many aspects of our lives, from what you will eat to what your do for recreation fun. Money plays a role in all of these decisions — even mundane ones. In marriage we must recognize this and make decisions accordingly. Communication is key. Understanding each others spending ideology and concepts helps couples see each other perspective and compromise. This will limit potential fights and stress in the relationship.

Financial infidelity is when one person in the covenantal relationship is making financial decisions behind their spouses back. This includes spending more money than previously agreed on, buying things outside of agreements, treating ourselves continuously , and anything else that we do behind our love’s back.

This can be very damaging emotionally — let alone financially — to a marriage. Financial transparency is key to avoiding these pit-falls.

Sources: Focus on the Family With Jim Daly: Building a Secure Financial Future With Your Spouse (friday October 7, 2011)

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/focus-on-the-family/

God bless you; Abide in his Love – 10-10-11

Emotional cheating

The road to adultery is unclear for some. Many ignorantly assume that adultery is a spontaneous act that cannot be systematically calculated or predicted. The mass majority of the public does not realize, or just does not want to admit, that it begins not when you simply have sex outside of your marriage but with a very dangerous and tempting mindset. Adultery is a process. The Awakening, by Kate Chopin, sheds light on the process of adultery.

Peoples actions and behaviors are not dictated by instincts or emotional impulses. Instead, the actions people do are rooted by an attitude or a perspective. This is no exception in the failure of a marriage. The first step to the ultimate collapse of a marriage is when you perceive that your husband or wife is not enough: you are not content or satisfied, or that there are better pleasures outside of your spousal relationship. This belief or perspective, if allowed to grow, will consume you, eventually leading a person to search elsewhere for that happiness, pleasure, or satisfaction. We see this very phenomenon in Edna Pontellier. She evidently became dissatisfied with her role as a mother and wife and began to wonder what outside of her covenantal relationship could satisfy her growing impulses.

Once the attitude of discontentedness becomes the dominant ideology in an individual’s marriage, disaster, usually in the form of unfaithfulness, is the corresponding effect. Individuals do not take heed to these sinful opportunities until these newfound desires begin to master them. These opportunities have always been present, but without the perception of the ‘grass being greener on the other side,’ there is no motivation to act on these opportunities. Without such a motivation, one does not even realize this opportunities even exist, let alone act on them. Mrs. Pontellier finds herself in this very situation. She became discontent with her life, even her marriage. In this weak state she realized that she had the opportunity to make a new friend, Robert, a younger man that she could possibly have passion with: something she was lacking with her husband. Someone who she perceived as interesting, newer, and an all around better person than her husband.

The phenomenon of emotional cheating begins once both the perception and the opportunity have become established in the individual. Mrs. Pontellier become an emotional cheater when she befriended Robert. She progressively felt more detachment from her husband and children, each and every day that she would emotionally cheat with Robert. The emotional cheating stage is very unstable – you either turn back and recuperate the relationship with your husband, or you progressively fall into full adultery; you cannot continue to merely emotionally cheat.

Unfortunately, once you have already begun to emotionally cheat on your spouse, there usually is no turning back; since your lustful, sinful desires for cheating are far greater than your desires to live a holy, covenantal relationship with your spouse. Emotional cheating has a compounding effect. It starts off with just emotional attachment for someone outside of your marriage. This grows into lustful desires, which lead into physical cheating – as in kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc. Following this comes the actual act of adultery. This process is clearly made manifest in Edna’s sinful story; she went through this sinful cycle exactly, moving from emotional cheating, to sexual desires, to touching, to finally the act of adultery.

Sin never brings about true sustained happiness. In Edna’s story, even though her cheating and adulteress acts were fairly successful, she found herself just as, if not more, unhappy as she was before. There is no satisfaction to be gained in sinning against God and not walking in his will.
The story of Edna Pontellier is a great illustration of this reality. God’s way is always the right way. Her main dilemma was her skewed perception of her life and role in the family as a woman. She sought satisfaction outside of her roles and responsibilities as a mother, a wife, and a slave to God almighty. This is folly that should not be imitated. A smart man learns from his own mistakes; a wise man learns from the mistakes of others.

Inscribed by Martin, Stephanie
Edited by Martin, Jamie

Married Young

I decided to marry at the “tender” age of nineteen. I did not do this out of stupidity or out of childish, romantic dreams. I did this for God. I did it to honor him – for my life to be a testimony before other believers and myself. God sovereignly designed marriage, and I obeyed his planned. It was as simple as that. If there is anyone who wants more infomation on my story just ask, and I will give it. I have also recently joined a new movement, or returned to an old view point, known as the quiverfull movement.